Trench Wars Recipe Collection

[Displaced]

Jeansi...

quark as in the cheese? or wtf u talking about?

seems like something good to eat after weight training or something like that tho.

[Subjugation]

Guacamole

Over the Superbowl weekend made some stuff. Here's the Guac.

Ingredients...

Avocado--mashed (either smooth or chunky, your preference)
Garlic--minced
Onion--minced
jalapeno--minced
cilantro--chopped
lemon juice--squozen

Basically, get 1-4 depending how much you want to make, or how much you can afford. Dem mugs are hella expensive. Usually $1-$2 dollars US. But for the superbowl, they were only fiddy cent each.

Preparation...get your shit together, and have all ur stuff ready to mix up. get your avos in a mixing bowl, and smash em with a potato masher. toss in all your ingredients, but make sure you don't over season it, cuz you obviously can add more garlic, or more lemon juice, but you can't exactly take it out.

when you're done, your shit should look like...



Enjoy.

[Subjugation]

Bomb Assed Lemony Garlic Fries

I don't know if non-Americans will know what I'm talking about when I talk about home fries, since the British refer to fries as "chips", so I'll just preface this recipe by mentioning I'm talking about fried potato wedges, that have been seasoned.

Anyway, I used to love putting lemon-pepper seasoning on my homefries at one of my first cooking jobs. I have been fucking around in the kitchen a lot lately, mostly experiementing with breakfast dishes---specifically omlettes. Well, usually when you order an omlette, you get some sort of fried potato dish with it, like home fries or hash brows.

Recently, I was looking for a bit of nostalgia to go along with my home fries, so I was going to buy some lemon-pepper seasoning at the store. At the last minute, I decided against the store-bought seasoning, since everyone knows fresh is almost always the best way to go, and I could likely replicate the seasoning and make it even better by using fresh ingredients. Basically, Lemon-Pepper is lemon zest, garlic and onion powder, salt, and of course...pepper.

Having figured out what I would need to replicate the recipe, I just bought some lemons and garlic. I also picked up a bunch of parsley, since it adds a nice fresh flavor to the finished product.

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What you need:
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* About 4-5 medium sized Yukon Gold Potatoes (Try to get something with more flavor than the standard Russet variety, since it's pretty much the main ingredient, and the color provides a more appealing contrast in the final product. Red Bliss or Rose White are also ok, if Yukons aren't available.)

* 4 firm, fresh lemons

* Lemon Zester (You need a zester in order to shave the zest from the lemon. They're about $5-8 us at your local kitchen supply store, or Smart & Final, should you have one in your area.)

* 6 peeled cloves of garlic.

* 1/4 bunch parsley, chopped

* Salt and fresh ground pepper.

* Olive Oil. Pure, not extra virgin.

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Preparation:
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Get a small pot (5 qt will suffice) and slice the oval potatoes lengthwise into wedges. The average medium-sized potato should be cut into sixths.

(NoteThe shape of the cut is really not that important, other than appearance. I find the wedges more attractive than uniform chunks, and I find they stack higher too. It's basically a matter of artistic preference.

Boil your potatoes with plenty of water so they cook evenly, and make sure to put salt in your water (about a heaping teaspoon of kosher or sea salt), so you get a well seasoned final product.

When the potatoes are done, drain them, and put about two ounces of pure olive oil into a frying pan. When the oil reaches the smoking point, add the potatoes and turn your flame down to low, or med-lo if you decide to babysit them and turn them every minute or two.



Heat control is one of the most crucial elements of cooking, and this is especially true when frying potatoes. If you turn them on high or med-hi, you just don't give the potatoes a chance to really develop a nice, crispy exterior, and a nice, smooth interior. You may get a browned color, but it's not likely to be uniformly cooked, may be burned in places, and will result in a mediocre product. So just keep it on low, and prepare to let them slo-fry for about 15-20 minutes...yes, I said 15-20 minutes!

Since you're cooking them at a low temp, you don't have to flip them more than once every 2 minutes or so, but be sure to flip them relatively consistently. This ensures a uniform browning, and a nice crispy texture, all the way around the potato, without having to spend a few thousand dollars on a deep fryer.

While they are cooking, you have enough time to chop your parsley, mince your garlic, and zest your lemons. If you're not really sure how to zest a lemon, you basically get a zester, and scrape the peel off the lemon into nice thin shavings, without getting any of that bitter white stuff.



After you get a few tablespoons of the stuff, chop it up nice and fine into a minced consistency. So, at this point, you should have basically a few tbls of parsley, a few tbls of lemon zest, and a few tbls of minced garlic, and while you're doing this, you should have been caring for your potatoes.

After about 10-15 min of frying your potatoes, they should be getting nice and golden. When they are about 2 minutes away from a nice and rich, deep golden brown, add your garlic, and lemon zest, and let that go for a couple minutes. Finish them off with the parsely, salt and freshly cracked pepper.





Fini! You have now created some of the most interesting fried potato dishes you will have the fortune of trying. They are nice with catsup and/or sour cream, but since they are already seasoned, they really don't need much of anything.

If you want to fuck around and tweak the recipe here or there, feel free. Maybe add some minced onion, or just onion powder. You can also make Bomb-Assed Garlic Cheese Fries by subbing grated parmesean cheese for the lemon zest. That's pretty much the recipe for the Rubicon Brewing Company's garlic fries.

Hope you enjoy making them as much as I did.

[Theif of Time]

A favorite of mine,
Microwave Self Saucing Chocolate Pudding.

Ingredients:
Batter:
2 Tablespoons Butter
1 Teaspoon Vanilla essence
1/2 cup milk or milk alternative
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 Tablespoons Cocoa (more if you like it chocolaty)
3/4 Cup white sugar (more if you like it sweeter)
1 Cup Flour (self raising, if you don't have this 1 cup flour 1 tsp baking powder. But remember the baking powder or it sticks in a lump in your throat.)
Sauce:
1 Tablespoon Cocoa
2 Tablespoons Coconut (shredded, any size)
1/2 Cup brown sugar

1 1/2 cups boiling water (

Method:
Place butter in large (approx 2-2.5 Litre) Casserole dish, or other large microwavable dish (The whole batter will be done in this) and microwave enough to melt butter.

Add the rest of the batter ingredients and stir.

Combine Cocoa, Coconut and Brown sugar in seperate (small) bowl, sprinkle over top of batter.

Pour Boiling water over the top.

Cook, elevated and uncovered in Microwave for 6-7 minutes, depending on microwave power.

Take out of microwave and leave to stand for 5-10 mins (Not absolutely neccesary if you're in a hurry)

Serve with Icecream/cream, or on its own.

Takes approx 15 mins to prepare once you know what you're doing.

[Subjugation]

Balsamic Roasted Carrots

I've been getting into roasting vegetables lately, since I have finally developed a taste for them, and they're good for you, and all.

Few vegetables have as much flavor and flexibility as carrots do, since carrots have a good amount of natural sugar in them, and roasting them only heightens their sweet and full flavor. They seem to compliment any meat...chicken, beef, fish, lamb, pork....it's a great all-around vegetable. Even better, since they grow underground, they are resistent to poor seasonal weather, unlike lettuces, or tomatoes, artichokes, etc...so you can find them pretty much all year around, at an affordable price.


Anyway, onward toward this very easy to make recipe.


Balsamic Roasted Carrots (prep time: 5-10 min; cooking time: 20-25 min)
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Ingredients:

2 oz Balsamic Vinegar
2 oz Olive Oil
1 bunch fresh thyme (finely chopped, really you only need about 1 tb of the chopped fresh thyme, not the whole bunch)
1 shallot (minced)
1 lb bag of peeled baby carrots (cut each carrot in 1/2, lengthwise)
Salt and Pepper to taste
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Instructions:

Preheat your oven at 350 degrees.

While the oven is heating, take the bag of baby carrots, and toss them into a medium sized mixing bowl. Add the olive oil (you just want enough oil to coat the carrots, you don't want them to be greasy when they're cooked, but you want to make sure they aren't dry and withered either), and the balsamic vinegar. Add the salt, pepper, thyme, and shallots.

Empty the seasoned carrots onto a sheet pan (cookie sheet), and stick em in the oven. Set your timer for 20 min. They should have a nice golden, and deep orange color, and should still have a slight firmness in the middle, but they should be tender overall. They definitely should not have that raw carrot crunchiness to them. If they're not ready, let em go for another 5 min or so.

Oven time may vary, depending on your oven. Check em after 20 min.

[all.your.base]

Funnel Cake

· 3 to 4 cups of flour
· 3 eggs
· 2 cups milk
· 1/4 cup sugar
· 2 teaspoons baking powder
· 1/2 teaspoon salt
· powdered sugar for topping
· vegetable oil for deep frying - heat to 375 degrees

Beat the eggs, then add the sugar and milk. Sift 2 cups of flour, the salt, and the baking powder and add to the milk, sugar, and egg mixture.

Mix while adding more flour until the batter is smooth and not too thick. The funnel should have an opening of at least 1/2 inch and be able to hold around a cup of batter. Put your finger over the bottom and add about a cup of batter. Remove your finger and allow the batter to pour into the center of the oil. Be careful, the oil may splash!

Gradually swirl the batter outward in a circular motion, or criss-cross back and forth to make a cake about 7 or 8 inches round.

We used to draw our initials to personalize our cakes! Check it with a pair of tongs and turn it when the bottom becomes golden brown.

When both sides are done, remove with tongs and let it drip on a paper towel.

Funnel cake is often served with powdered sugar on top. You could also use molasses, maple syrup, or fruit preserves. :fear:

[Subjugation]

Elite Basil Blue Dressing

I was making a spinach/tomato/avocado salad tonight, and decided to make a super leet dressing to go with it.

If you know how to make home-made mayo (otherwise known as aioli), you're stoked, because it will taste waaaay better this way. If not, just mix the following ingredients with a cup of mayo.

1 shallot (minced)
2 cloves garlic (minced)
3 tbs fresh basil (chopped)
1/4 cup of good quality blue cheese (crumbled)
1/2 cup buttermilk
salt and pepper to taste
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If you do know how to make aioli, or consider yourself to be knowledgable in the kitchen, do the following:


Get a medium sized mixing bowl, and add the following:
the yolks of 2 small-medium sized eggs
the juice of 1 lemon
mince 2 garlic cloves, and toss em in
mince a shallot and add it too.
1 tsp dry mustard

now, get a couple of small hand towels, and wet them. Use them to form a circle on a cutting board. Put the mixing bowl on the ring, and get a whisk.

Now very slowly drip in:

2/3 cup olive oil
1/3 cup xtra virgin olive oil

As you slowly drip in the first few ounces, make sure to constantly be stirring it into the egg yolk mixture, so as to create a proper emulsion. once you get the first 1/3 cup of oil mixed in, you can start drizzling the next 1/3 cup of oil into the yolks.

After you're 2/3's of the way done adding the oil, you can add the remaining oil a little faster, but still you don't want to just "dump" the oil in there.

When you're done, what you have is a home-made "mayonaisse", or aioli, as we say in the biz.

[ConcreteSchlyrd]

What's the proportions on this spinach/tomato/avocado salad that you were making, and what's the preparation to it? The whole thing sounds amazing.

[Subjugation]

well, i just bought a bunch of baby spinach, cleaned it, and got a couple tomatoes. If you want to make it look pretty, get two or three different colors. I used a yellow heirloom with a traditional roma.

For every two salads (small-to-medium sized ones), get two tomatoes. If you're gonna make for a bunch of friends, probably 6 tomatoes of various colors will be adequate.

For each salad, 1/4-1/2 an avocado is nice. Now, it's up to you whether you want to mix the salad with all the diced tomatoes and diced avocado

You can add crumbled blue at the end. Here's a photo of the one I did, and you can see I added the wedges of roma for the asthetic reasons. Also, I added roasted almonds, to add a crunchy texture. Hope you like it.

[ConcreteSchlyrd]

Mine's not quite as fancy, but I thought I'd share:

12 cups fresh baby spinach
2 fuji apples, diced
1 cup crumbled feta cheese (fresher the better, of course--garlic/herb works well)
1 cup coarsely chopped walnuts
3/4 cup bacon bits (optional, but kind of nice)

Dressing:
1 1/4 cup cider vinegar
1 cup apple juice
1/2 cup finely ground walnuts
1/4 cup packed brown sugar
2 teaspoons chopped fresh basil
1/2 teaspoon pepper
1 1/2 teaspoons salt

Combine dressing ingredients and whisk in 1 cup of vegetable oil and 1/4 cup walnut oil. (NOTE: This makes a shit-ton of dressing. You could probably halve it, but I always end up using it all.)

The salad's also good with a little romaine.

[Subjugation]

Dude, that sounds good. I like the sound of the feta with the apple with the spinach...I like the bacon too, adds a salty flavor to really accent the sweetness of the apples and dressing.

Those sound like some good flavors married together for a nice warm summer night.

[Wil]

Bukkake Cookies

1 cup unsalted butter, room temp
1 1/2 cups powdered sugar
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 large egg
2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
Icing:
2 cups powdered sugar
1/4 cup milk
food coloring
various decorator icing and gels

• Using electric mixer, beat powdered sugar and butter in large bowl until light. Beat in egg and vanilla. Add flour, baking powder and salt. Mix just to combine. Divide dough in half. Gather each piece into ball; flatten into disks. Wrap in plastic and chill 1 hour.
  Preheat oven to 325°F. Roll out 1 dough disk on floured work surface to 1/8-inch thickness. Cut out cookies in the shape of heads. Use scraps of dough to fashion the nose, lips and eyelids or eyebrows for each face. Press firmly into place. Transfer cookies to ungreased baking sheets, spacing 1 inch apart.
  ake cookies until golden, about 13 minutes. Transfer cookies to racks; cool.
  Mix powdered sugar and milk till smooth. Reserve one third of the frosting in a separate bowl. Add a drop of red food coloring to the rest of the icing to make it flesh colored. Spread on facial areas of the cookies.
  Allow to dry and harden. Add hair with desired color of frosting. Use other frostings or decorator gels to fill in lips, eyes and other facial features. Let frosting dry and harden for about an hour.
  Take reserved plain white icing. It should be fluid and not too stiff. Add milk or water if necessary to achieve a drippy, but not runny consistency. Use a spoon to drizzle the "jizz" over the face cookies. Use as much as desired.

[Rot]

No offence but thats the nastyest shit I've ever seen. I woudnt eat that if my nuts were falling off and thats the antidote. :-/

[Subjugation]

Classic Caesar Salad

My favorite salad is probably the Caesar salad. It is elegant, yet subtle, and
offers a relatively complex range of flavors. Not everyone likes anchovies,
and still others don't like the idea of eating raw egg yolk, so it's not for
everyone.

Curiously, there is a lack of agreement on the origin of the salad, as well
as the recipe. Some believe the salad was created in Chicago, Illinois in the early
20th century by a man named Giacomo Junia. Others speculate the salad was actually
invented by Caesar Cardini in Tijuana, Mexico, some two decades later.

There is also disagreement on whether or not the original recipe had anchovies in it.
Many people agree that there were never anchovies included in either recipe, and they
aren't exactly sure where people got that idea. However, according to Food Network's
Alton Brown, he speculates that it's probably because there are anchovies in Worcester
Sauce, which is an ingredient in the original recipe.

My version does use anchovies, and unlike some, I choose not to include red wine vinegar in the dressing. I like the clean flavor of just using lemon juice for the acidity.

[Subjugation]

Insalata Caprese

Insalata Caprese is an Italian salad usually made with basil, fresh tomatoes, and fresh mozzarella. Sometimes, buffalo mozzarella is used instead. I've tried both, but you're probably only going to find the regular cow's milk fresh mozz at your local store, unless you can visit a good specialty foods store. In addition to those ingredients, extra-virgin olive oil is usually drizzled over the salad, and I like to add a few drops of balsamic vinegar for added depth and a sweet acidity.

I added on a couple pieces of garlic croustini using a loaf of olive bread, and the rich, tangy olive flavor compliments the sweet tomatoes and creamy mozzarella nicely. This is a classically Italian salad that is perfect for lunch on hot summer afternoon.